My Grey's Manual. (vol I)

• You need boundaries, between you and the rest of the world. Other people are far too messy. It’s all about lines... drawing lines in the sand and praying like hell no one crosses them. At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or, you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. Here's what I know. If you're willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, the view from the other side... is spectacular.

M: We should forget it ever happened.
D: What? You sleeping with me last night? Or you throwing me out this morning? 'Cause both are fond memories I'd like to hang on to.
M: No, there will be no more memories. I'm not the girl in the bar anymore and you're not the guy. This can't exist. You get that, right?
D: You took advantage of me and now you want to forget it?
M: I did not take-
D: I was drunk vulnerable and good looking and you took advantage.
M: Okay. I was the one who was drunk and you are not that good looking.
D: Maybe not today, but last night I was very good looking. I had on my red shirt, my good-looking shirt, and you took advantage.
M: I did not!
D: Would you like to take advantage again, say Friday night?


D: So we're kissing but we're not dating?
M: I knew this was going to come up.
D: Don't get me wrong, I like the kissing. I'm all for the kissing. More kissing, I say!
M: I have no idea what that was about.
D: Is it going to happen again? Let me know next time. I'll bring breath mints. Put a condom in my wallet.
M: Shut up. Now.


D: It's not the chase.
M: What?
D: You and me. It is not the thrill of the chase. It's not a game. It's... it's your tiny ineffectual fists. And your hair.
M: My hair?
D: It smells nice. And you're very, very bossy. It keeps me in line.
M: I'm still not going out with you.
D: You say that now.


• Remember when you were a kid and your biggest worry was, like, if you'd get a bike for your birthday or if you'd get to eat cookies for breakfast. Being an adult? Totally overrated. I mean seriously, don't be fooled by all the hot shoes and the great sex and the no parents anywhere telling you what to do. Adulthood is responsibility. Responsibility, it really does suck. Really, really sucks. Adults have to be places and do things and earn a living and pay the rent. (...) Talk about responsibility. Kind of makes bikes and cookies look really, really good, doesn't it? The scariest part about responsibility? When you screw up and let it slip right through your fingers. Responsibility. It really does suck. Unfortunately, once you get past the age of braces and training bras, responsibility doesn't go away. It can't be avoided. Either someone makes us face it or we suffer the consequences. And still adulthood has it perks. I mean... the shoes, the sex, the no parents anywhere telling you what to do. That's, pretty damn good.


M: I guess we're adults. The question is, when did that happen, and how do we make it stop?


D: You know, in some states, you could get arrested for that... So you blew me off for a bottle of tequila? Tequila's no good for you. It doesn't call, doesn't write, not nearly as much fun to wake up to.
M: [kisses him] Take me for a ride, Derek.


• A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. 'Never leave that 'til tomorrow...' he said, '...which you could do today.' This is the man who discovered electricity. You’d think more of us would listen to what he had to say. I don’t know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I’d say it had a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure. Fear of pain. Fear of rejection. Sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you’re wrong. What if you make a mistake you can’t undo. Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true. That by the time, the pain of not doing the thing, gets worse than the fear of doing it. (...) We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to ‘seize the day'. Still, sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure - even the worst and most entrapping mistake - beats the hell of never trying.


P: What is this? That we’re doing here. What is it?
C: You need a definition? You really want to be that guy?
P: Lock the door.


• You know when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be. White dress, Prince Charming who’d carry you away to a castle on a hill. You’d lie in your bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming. They were so close you could taste them. But eventually you grow up and one day, you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely because, almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope and faith that, one day, they would open their eyes and it would all come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. It’s like one day you realize that the fairy tale is slightly different than your dream. The castle, well it may not be a castle. And it’s not so important that it’s happily ever after... just that it’s happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in a while, people may even take your breath away.


M: I want facts, and until I get them, my pants are staying on.
D: Or you could just roll with it, be flexible. See what happens.
M: I'm not flexible.
D: Now there I disagree... We'll find these things out. That's the fun part, you know? That's the gravy.
M: Give me something to go on. Anything! What are your grandparents’ names?
D: I don't have grandparents.
M: Where'd you grow up? What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Where'd you spend your summer vacations?
D: Oh, lighten up. It'll be good for your blood pressure.
M: Don't you tell me to lighten up. I'll lighten up when I... feel light.


M: Where are we?
D: I'm gonna tell you. All right. My mother's maiden name, Maloney. I have four sisters. I have, uh, nine nieces. Five nephews. I like coffee ice cream, single-malt scotch, occasionally a good cigar. I like to fly fish. And I cheat when I do the crossword puzzle on Sunday. And I never dance in public. Um, favorite novel, The Sun Also Rises. Favorite band, The Clash. My favorite color is blue. I don't like light blue, indigo. The scar right here on my forehead, that's why I don't ride motorcycles anymore. And I live in that trailer. All this land is mine. I have no idea what I'm gonna do with it. So that's it. That's all you've earned for now. The rest you're just... just gonna have to take on faith.


• One thing is certain, whatever it is we're trying to hide; we're never ready for that moment when the truth gets naked. That's the problem with secrets... like misery, they love company. They pile up and up until they take over everything, until you don't have room for anything else, until you're so full of secrets you feel like you're going to burst. The thing people forget is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free. Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open, like it or not. And once your secrets are out in the open, you don't have to hide behind them anymore. The problem with secrets is even when you think you're in control, you're not.


M: Let's play the game of whose life sucks the most. I'll win. I always win.
C: You don't want to play with me.
M: Oh yes, I do. I'll even go first. Derek is married, as in pig-headed adulterous liar married.
C: George, you have beer... coming out of your nostrils...
M: Alright, your turn.
C: I'm pregnant. There. I win. [Joe the Bartender collapses] Okay, maybe Joe wins.


• There's something to be said about a glass half full, about knowing when to say when. I think it's more of a floating line, a barometer of need. Of desire. It's entirely up to the individual, and it depends what's being poured. Sometimes all we want is a taste. Other times there's no such thing as enough, the glass is bottomless... all we want is more.


M: What are you doing with Olivia? You're letting her think you're emotionally available. You're letting her think she has a chance. And there is nothing worse in the world than thinking you have a chance when you really don't.


C: Your problem is estrogen.
M: No, my problem is tequila.


M: It's just... I'm exhausted. My mother is exhausting. What happened to Cristina is exhausting. And you? Hating you is the most exhausting of all. And I don't want to do it anymore.


• We deny we're tired, we deny that we're scared, we deny how badly we want to succeed. And most importantly, we deny that we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth... right in front of our faces. Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, and denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world, head on, guns blazing... Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt. It's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?


A: Derek... have you ever thought that even if I am Satan and an adulterous bitch, that I still might be the love of your life?


M: Okay, here it is, your choice… it’s simple, her or me, and I’m sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big ‘pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window’, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.


• Okay, I think I'm rambling. My point, actually, and I do have one, has nothing to do with surprises or death or lawsuits, or even surgeons. My point is that whoever said 'What you don't know can’t hurt you', was a complete and total moron. Because for most people I know, not knowing is the worst feeling in the world. (Okay, fine. Maybe the second worst.)


M: I actually said 'pick me.' Pick me!?
J: I think it's romantic.
M: It's not romantic, Joe. It's horrifying. Horror-movie horrifying. Carrie at the prom with the pig's blood horrifying!
J: Well I think it's sweet.
M: I-said-PICK ME!


• Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. The funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need. At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about. Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say. They're what you do. Some things you say because you have no other choice. Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves.


A: Hey, listen. For a kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something... to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch you feel it everywhere... a kiss so hot and so deep that you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. You don't want to. Trust me. When you find that right person for a first kiss, it's everything.


• In the eight grade, my English class had to read "Romeo and Juliet". Then for extra credit, Ms. Synder made us act out all the parts. Sal Scafarillo was Romeo and as fate would have it, I was Juliet. All the other girls were jealous, but I had a slightly different take. I told Ms. Synder Juliet was an idiot. For starters, she falls for the one guy she knows she can't have, then she blames fate for her own bad decision. Ms. Synder explained to me that when fate comes into play, choice sometimes goes out the window. At the ripe old age of 13, I was very clear that love, like life, is about making choices, and fate has nothing to do with it. Everyone thinks it's so romantic. Romeo and Juliet, true love, how sad. If Juliet was stupid enough to fall for the enemy, drink the bottle of the poison and go to sleep in a mausoleum, she deserved whatever she got! Maybe Romeo and Juliet were fated to be together, but just for a while, and then their time passed. And if they could've known that beforehand, maybe it would've all been OK. I told Ms. Synder that when I was grown up, I would take fate into my own hands. I wouldn't let some guy drag me down. Mrs. Synder said I'd be lucky if I ever had that kind of passion with someone, and if I did, we would be together forever. Even now I believe for the most part, love is about choices. It's about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending, most of the time, and that sometimes, despite all your best choices and all your best intentions, fate - wins - anyway.


C: I've already spent an hour picking bird parts out of this guy. I'm over it.
G: Carpe diem.
M: Right, you and my forehead. I'm beginning to look how I feel. Carpe that.
G: This is the luckiest day in the world!
C: Tell that to the bird.


M: I'm pregnant, you blind moron.
R: You’re what?
M: My heart rate is 110, I’m burning 3,000 calories a day, my legs are swollen, I've got indigestion and gas. Did you know carrying a boy in your uterus means you burn 10 percent more calories than if you had a girl? Guess what I’m carrying. I tried for seven damn years and a month before my fellowship notifications the stick turns blue. Men. From the very beginning they just suck the life right out of you. I’m not leaving. I’m pregnant.


• Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.


M: I feel like one of those people who are so freaking miserable that they can't be around normal people. Like I'll infect the happy people. Like I'm some miserable, diseased, dirty ex-mistress.


• When you're a kid, it's Halloween candy. You hide it from your parents and you eat it until you get sick. In college, it's the heavy combo of youth, tequila and well... you know. (...) Good things aren't always what they seem. Too much of anything, even love, is not always a good thing. How do you know how much is too much? Too much too soon. Too much information. Too much fun. Too much love, or too much to ask of someone? When is it all just too much for us to bear?


M: They always look so sad when I kick them out. Seriously, why do guys not understand that when you pick them up in a bar and take them home for sex, that there are no picket fences or kids in your future?


C: This is where I live. My mother decorated it. I don't do laundry, I buy new underwear. The table? Six months of magazines I know I'll never read but I won't throw out. I don't wash dishes, vacuum, or put the toilet paper on the holder. I hired a maid once. She ran away crying. The only things in my fridge are water, vodka, and diet soda, and I don't care. But you do. Still think living together is a good idea?


M: I don't think so. You know, when I saw you at Joe's, I was just looking for a replacement. Looking for something to make me feel better. You deserve better than that.


• Forty years ago, the Beatles asked the world a question. They wanted to know where all the lonely people came from. My theory is that a great many of the lonely people come from hospitals. More precisely, the surgical wing of hospitals. As surgeons, we ignore our own needs so we can meet our patients' needs. We ignore our friends and families so we can save other people's friends and families. Which means that, at the end of the day, all we really have is ourselves. And nothing in this world can make you feel more alone than that.
Four hundred years ago, another English guy had an opinion on being alone. John Donne. He thought we were never alone. Of course it was fancier when he said it. No man is an island entire onto himself. Boil down that island talk and he just means that all anyone needs is someone to step in and let us know we're not alone. And who's to say that someone can't have four legs. Someone to play with, or run around with, or just hang out...


I: I'm having a moment here. Don't mess with me!
C: You're not going to have a nervous breakdown and kill yourself, are you?
I: No.
C: So, there's no chance you'll kill us?
I: [storms off]
G: Okay, that was wrong on so many levels.
C: But it was good though?
G: Yeah, it was. =)


M: You're still you?
D: I'm still me.


M: When you operate, the rest of the world goes away. No thirst, pain... but it's not that way when you're sharing your body with another person.


M: Do not kick me!
G: Excuse me?
M: Are you kicking me under the table, O'Malley?
G: No...
M: Than clearly I wasn't talking to you. [looks down at her stomach] You cannot kick me when I am doing my job. Thank you.


A: Are you sad? Depressed? What? It's Christmas, Derek. We love Christmas. Or at least we used to.
D: I'm not saying this to hurt you, or because I want to leave you, because I don't. Meredith wasn't a fling. She wasn't revenge. I fell in love with her. That doesn't go away because I decided to stay with you.


• Fresh starts, thanks to the calendar, they happen every year. Just set your watch to January, our reward for surviving the holiday season. Bringing on the great tradition of new years resolutions, put your past behind you and start over. It’s hard to resist the chance for a new beginning, a chance to put the problems of last year to bed. Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It’s not on the calendar, it’s not a birthday, it’s not a new year. It’s an event, big or small, something that changes us. Ideally, that gives us hope, a new way of living and looking at the world, a way of letting go of old habits, old memories. What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning, but it's also important to remember that, amid all the crap, there are a few things worth holding on to.


D: There is a land called Passive Agressiva, and you are their queen.


D: Can I ask you something personal?
I: If I say no?
D: I'll hold my breath, which will stop my heart, killing me. You're right here, you'll be charged with murder. Life in prison, loved by a big old girl named Hildy.
I: So my options are homicide charges or inappropriate personal questions from a patient.
D: I know, kind of sucks.


D: That guy Alex. You with him?
I: No.
D: Good. That means I won't have to fight him for you.
I: What makes you think I want you to fight him for me?
D: You're in love with me. I'm well off, but not into money. I'm smart, but not a know-it-all. I'm funny, I love animals. And I'm hot. I'm a catch, if you can wrap yourself around the enlarged failing heart.
I: You're right. I am sooo in love with you. It's a shame, really, since I'm with Hildy and all.


D: I'm just trying to help.
M: Well, see this? What you’re doing, being dreamy? It doesn't help. It hurts me. It messes with my head. You have a wife to go home to and I'm guessing she has no idea where you are right now.
D: No, she doesn't.
M: That's what I thought.


• Lying is bad. Or so we are told constantly from birth. Honesty is the best policy, the truth shall set you free, I chopped down the cherry tree. Whatever. The fact is, lying is a necessity. We lie to ourselves because the truth... the truth freaking hurts. No matter how hard we try to ignore or deny it, eventually the lies fall away, like it or not. But here's the truth about the truth. It hurts. So we lie.


C: We're in an elevator. That's your specialty, right? McDreamy moments in the elevator?
D: Dr. Yang-
C: You know what? For just a moment, I’m not Dr. Yang and you’re not Dr. Shepherd. You’re the guy who screwed up my friend. The guy who drove her to get a dog she can't keep, the dog she only got because her boyfriend lied to her about his wife.
D: I never lied to her.
C: Yes you are. You know, I know a liar when I see one because... I am a liar.


M: Hey, why aren't you busy prepping for rounds and stealing all the good cases?
C: Why aren't you busy prepping for rounds and stealing all the good cases?
M: No reason.
C: No reason...... Burke thinks I moved in with him.
M: McDreamy and I have a case. Wait. He thinks you moved in with him?
C: You're calling him McDreamy again?
M: So?
C: What are you doing?
M: What are YOU doing?


D: Yes, compassion. It's an emotion. Have you ever heard of it?
C: Have you? She's barely back on her feet and you've got her calling you McDreamy again. You know, I was just telling the patient the truth. You might want to try it sometime.